Simplicity is Best
by Lord Mendasuit
Summary: In which very simple solutions are found to a complicated tournament's tasks by a clever wizard. Fourth Year in the Simplicity series.
1. Getting Past The Age Line

Harry Potter's name was spit out of the Goblet of Fire, and Hogwarts was torn between cheerful celebration and bamboozled confusion.

"So, Harry, how did you get past the age line?" asked Ron, clearly curious.

Harry sighed as he grabbed a piece of parchment, wrote his name on it and then rolled it into a tight little ball. Then he tossed it at the goblet and managed to make the shot accurately. "There."

Everyone blinked. Then they shrugged before deciding to cheer for him.


	2. Getting Past The Horntail

Harry looked at the huge Hungarian Horntail that glared balefully at him from where she was curled around her eggs.

"Hey. One of the eggs in your clutch isn't yours. It belongs to me. Could you return it?"

The dragon roared.

"That's a no then. Okay. Accio Golden Egg."

The golden egg didn't move.

"Bummer," said Harry, sighing. "Oh, well, guess it's time for plan C. Unfortunately, I don't have a plan C," he mumbled to himself.

Then he snapped his fingers.

"Accio Horntail's Clutch," commanded Harry, and the entire cluster of eggs, including the golden one, suddenly leaped into motion and landed in front of him.

The dragon did not breathe fire upon him, for it would destroy its own clutch. It also found itself glued to the spot it was in since the chain wasn't long enough for it to reach Harry where he was.

"Cant' believe that worked…" muttered the Boy Who Lived.

A dumbfounded set of judges was forced to give him full tens across the board.

Ludo Bagman nearly creamed himself when he realized just how much money he'd made from betting on Harry.


	3. Getting Past The Ball

Let it not go unsaid that Harry Potter had tried to get a date. Unfortunately, Hermione had already been asked for it, so that left Harry out of ideas. He entertained thoughts of asking the first random girl to pass by, since both of his first options were taken already, but then he thought better.

That night, during dinner, Harry asked Dumbledore if he could speak in public.

"It has been made apparent to me that, due to tradition, it is rather necessary for me to find a partner for the Yule Ball. Seeing as I only know something like four people in this castle, two of which are men and the other is already taken, I have decided that I need to broaden my social horizons. To this end, I will be holding an auction this Friday. Whoever wins shall become my date to the ball. The profit will be donated to charity."

Normally, this would be seen as presumptuous, conceited and arrogant of Harry. Given as he was an heir to an old, powerful and rich family, however, there were many who were looking for ways to get into his pants. Being reasonably attractive, unfailingly polite and kind whenever approached, the Hogwarts Champion and a wizard both powerful and resourceful enough to absolutely demolish a tournament that should've been way over his head, however, had the Slytherin Girls, most coming from rich families, tripping over themselves in order to be the one to accompany him to the ball.

Fleur Delacour stepped up and walked until she was right next to Harry. "Zeeing as I agree wizh Monsieur Potter's logic, I 'ave decided to follow 'is example. Zhere will be two auctions, one for 'im, an' one for me," she explained, getting nods from her headmistress, who found the situation hilarious.

In the end, Daphne Greengrass' family paid four hundred galleons in order for her to be Harry's date to the Yule Ball. His ego received a huge boost until Roger Davies put his life savings, something along the lines of nine hundred and thirty seven galleons, twelve sickles and three knuts, as his bid to be the one who would drool all over Fleur that night.

"It'z… 'ow did zhe say it? Ah, yes, zhe ass, Monsieur Potter. It sells," she said, gesturing towards her delicious bottom, which the rather form fitting Beauxbatons robes made absolutely no attempt at concealing. "But do not worry, you 'ave a cute ass yourself," she said, winking at him.

Harry first blushed, then, when she exploded into a fit of giggles, he nearly hexed her. If he could just discover a hex that gave her cellulite, he would feel much better…


	4. Getting Past The Lake

Harry rubbed his chin as he watched Fleur Delacour's lovely derriere disappear under the Black Lake's surface. "I wonder why none of them thought of this," Harry said as he sighed. "Accio My Hostage," he said, seeing that nothing happened, however, he groaned.

"Mr. Potter, we are not a bunch of daft fools. We made sure you couldn't use the same charm to defeat both tasks," said Dumbledore.

"I bet you a hundred galleons that he figures out a way to beat the challenge with the Summoning Charm," Fred Weasley said to a wealthy spectator, while his brother George was doing the exact same thing with another one.

Harry hummed a merry tune. "Accio Whatever Is Holding My Hostage In Place," he commanded, once again being reduced to a frown when nothing happened.

"Fine then," Harry said, rolling his eyes, "if you wanna play it like that, I can play," he murmured to himself, "Accio Whatever Is Holding ALL Hostages In Place," he commanded.

A rather massive statue was pulled out of the lake, and all three hostages, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger and the most adorable little girl Harry had ever seen, suddenly awoke.

"Da fuck wazzat?" Igor Karkaroff asked, clearly stupefied as how that was even possible.

Once again, the judges were forced to give Harry tens across the board, while the other champions got exceedingly low scores due to their utter inability to complete the task.

Fred and George were dancing about the two hundred galleons they'd just made.


	5. Getting Past The Ambush

Harry looked at the hedge maze. Then he leveled his wand in front of him. "Expecto Patronum," he intoned, and a brilliant silver stag exploded from his wand. "Find the way, Prongs," Harry commanded.

From the stands, a cloak wearing Stubby Boardman, also known as Sirius No I Am Not a Criminal Why Do You Ask Black, pumped his fist. "That's my marauder!" he yelled, confusing everyone around him.

Minutes later, Prongs came back. Then Harry, who had a massive lead over both Viktor and Fleur due to points, calmly followed his corporeal Patronus' lead, whistling a merry tune.

Prongs turned out to be quite the capable fighter, killing a Blast Ended Skrewt, an Acromantula and other assorted baddies on the way. Harry wondered if this was because he had been staring at Fleur's tits for the last twenty minutes and was in desperate need of a good lay. It didn't help that Daphne, his second newest friend, never made a secret of the fact that her best friend, one Tracey Davis, was very, very close to her.

Those two had been giving him wet dreams for months now.

So Harry surmised that it was a very real possibility that Prongs was just acting on Harry's need to impale something right now. Even if it was a totally different way of impaling that Harry was thinking of.

When Harry finally found the cup, it turned out to be a portkey that teleported him to a graveyard somewhere.

Raising an eyebrow, Harry summoned the cup from where it'd fallen and then got teleported back to Hogwarts' grounds, and he chalked the whole thing up to a Portkey Malfunction.

Meanwhile, in Little Hangleton, Baby Voldemort looked at Wormtail, also known as Peter Pettigrew. "Wormtail, can you tell me what possessed Crouch Jr. to make that a two way portkey?" asked the stillborn looking baby in a low, high pitched hiss.

"I believe that would be Imperius-caused brain damage," said Wormtail, evenly.

"Well, remind me to gift wrap him and send him to Madame Longbottom with my regards. I'm sure she'll figure out a punishment that would be way better than anything I could come up with," the baby thing said.

"So… how long until we can retry the ritual?" asked Wormtail, absent mindedly rocking Baby Voldemort in his arms.

"Three or four years, give or take a few months. We'll have to figure out some other way to get me a better body than this homunculus, I'm not waiting that long," informed Voldemort.

Wormtail sighed.


End file.
